Description Review: Demons Not Included (Night Tracker #1) by Cheyenne McCray

Meet Nyx. This half-human, half–Drow private eye investigates paranormal crimes by day and is an elite Tracker of demons by night. She prefers working solo—and playing rough. So when a terrifying force starts murdering innocent humans and paranorms, and leaving strange demonic symbols burned into their buildings, it’s a case Nyx takes verypersonally…

Meanwhile, Nyx’s fellow Trackers are being killed one by one—and a sexy new Tracker named Torin is shadowing her every move. Torin has powers Nyx can’t read, and sometimes she wonders whose side he’s on. Nyx’s instincts tell her something’s brewing in the city’s meanest supernatural streets, and that it’s ready to unleash hell on Earth. Who can she trust? Now it’s five minutes to permanent midnight…and Nyx’s last chance means risking everything—even her own life.



Meh Button

Source: This book was reviewed at So, I Read This Book Today on August 10.


I don’t really feel strongly about this description either way. Honestly, a fair amount of it makes me feel this will be fairly cliche—don’t get me wrong, it sounds like a good enough read, but there’s nothing that jumps out at me and says “Look! You should read me!”

There was a part of me that felt like this description was written by two different but related narrators, rather than one person with the same voice. The first paragraph is flippant and casual, and the second paragraph is much more … morose. Admittedly, it has a more serious topic, so there is some excuse for it.

The run-on sentences make a quick skim of the description a bit tough. I’m all for m-dashes and ellipses — I’m sure you’ve all noticed I use them quite a bit myself—but I try to really hard to avoid using combinations of them in one sentence. I’m also not sure that I quite agree with the use of the ellipsis at the end of the second paragraph, particularly given that the rest of the sentence is an easy continuation of the first part.

Something about the last sentence in the first paragraph doesn’t sit well with me either. I think it’s the multiple and’s in close proximity and the rather interesting comma usage.

I know I’m sounding like a grammar Nazi on this one, and I’m generally not. However, I do have some pet peeves simply in terms of readability — some sentence structures are naturally more clunky than others. If I find your description clunky, I’m going to assume I will find the entire book clunky, and that’s generally more work than I’m willing to expend.

Otherwise, the description is fine—I know a sufficient amount about the main character and the plot that I can adequately gauge whether that’s the kind of book I’m interested in at the time or not. This didn’t do it for me, but that’s not to say it wouldn’t be great for someone else.


Posted on August 19, 2014, in Description Reviews and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I completely agree with you here. I really like paranormal stories, but more and more I just see blurbs like this one and it just all turns to grey. I really don’t want this genre to be over-saturated as it still feels new to me but… really, there’s nothing here we haven’t already seen before. If a description of a book can’t explain what makes this one different to others (like you said, nothing here screams ‘read me’) then I’m not going to pick it up.
    I’m really learning a lot with your description reviews. Keep it up!

    • Thanks! These kinds of posts were difficult to write at first, but they’re getting easier. I’ve also learned an awful lot about what I do and don’t like in book blurbs, which I’m hoping really will help me write my own descriptions later 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

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